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May 2010

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fast [ 2 ] ; day [ 2 ]

love cigarettes
like actually , I'm never hungry.
This is why when I was on my first fast I failed!
Due to the fact that I was sick , and not able to go have a smoke
cigarettes are god's gift to anas' everywhere .

I've barely thought about food all day
I'm so excited that tomorrow is day three,
since we all know after day three hunger stops altogether
so proud of myself for making it this far
without even a thought towards food
usually the first three days are the hardest,
well for me me anyways.

ana buddies keep me on track too ,
i always have someone to discuss my cravings with
or my general hate for seeing myself in mirrors

although I did have a bad moment today
E was trying to bring up my ana in group
when my social worker said i looked " tired out " 
E goes " yea well she isn't tired.. are you Kelly . hmm "
It was a seriously low blow
she even brought up Luke issues , in front of everyone at group
i pretty much burst into tears, it was bad

but she came out and appologized
it just really hurt ye know, because I've always been there for her
thru all the shit with her boys , and her family
and I'm not complaining, i don't mind after all she is my bestfriend
i just couldn't believe she'd be taking S's side .
regardless were alright now
so I guess that's good

weirdly enough Ky talks to me now , even after me and him had that thing
he's disscusing his relationship problems with me , which is odd.
i just had to add more personal stuff today
because it was an extreme drama day

ps i hate cops
there everywhere
I've counted seeing a cop
eight different times a day

go eat some doughnuts.. fucking pigs .