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ana

May 2010

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ana

so now we restart?

agains we begin ,  is it possible to be sick of begginings?

didn't get to post like all weekend
stuck at my moms , dial up truly is a bitch
I missed LJ, it was sad;
So I'm really really really hating myself

fat x 3240348 .
i ate all weekend
startd with L , he made me eat ,
like i felt so good doing
then after im like fuck fuck fuck
you just loose your momentum
and it get to " well since i already did this.. "
and you just continue to eat
foods literally a cancer
growing once you take a bite
till you lying on your kitchen covered in rappers
jumpin over your sink with your fingers down your throte

im pathetic and i fail




going shopping with L tomorrow
good thing im broke
i dont want him to be all embarssed for me
when i have to go get size fives
zero! i need a fucking zero! 

ashamed at how i look
everythings pissing me off today
my hair looks like crap ,
my skin is too red, i dont even get zits anymore
i just get scars
baha at least im not one of those uctters anymore
cutting was so stupid .
 
tomorrows a new fast
except its a liquid fast, not a water only fast
ill drink tea/coffee/juice
i figure that'll do
that way i can excercise
getting back into situps :) gotta be skinny

the only plus today
first day in weeks im not dizzy
Pretty sure that means fat

also new thought : why are scales diff ! 
my moms scale said i weighed 130 i was like wtff
and i get home weigh myself at dads now im 127
fuckinn retarded
i need a non digital one

I ALSO NEED CIGARETTES
why am i not ninteen
grrrrrrr.

going to clean the room ,
beg randoms for a smoke
and run off this remaining chubb :)



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